Chapter 67 - Josh - Live Wire
A dark, small-town mystery steeped in folklore. THE STUDY OF QUIET THINGS is a serialised fiction drama shared one chapter at a time.
This is a serialised fiction. If you haven’t read the previous chapters, you’ll find them here in order, so you can dive right in.
BROADCAST NOTES:
ANCHOR 1: Chardonnay Sands - Blonde bombshell, much-loved TV Talk Show Host and once Pop Idol Starlet
ANCHOR 2: Julia Harris - Disgraced Blue Peter presenter come good in middle age
INTERVIEWEE: Josh Harringbow - Paranormal investigator and host of Netflix’s ‘I’ll Haunt You Down.’
STUDIO SET
Two news anchors sit behind a brightly lit desk with The Evening Panel font shifting colours from pink to orange. Behind them, a green screen featuring the London skyline. On the left-hand side a large screen for guest streaming is empty; a no connection sign across the middle of the screen.
Cameramen surround the studio. Production staff scarper across the floor. There is a sense of urgency in the scene.
ANCHOR 1: There’s only ten seconds to air. Where the fuck is he?
ANCHOR 2: Maybe, like a ghost, he’s disappeared.
Julia makes the universal ghost haunting sound
ANCHOR 1: Ha fucking ha.
Josh’s face suddenly fills the screen. You can tell he is sitting in his car, taking the call from his phone.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Hello? Can you hear me?
ANCHOR 1: Fuck me, could you be any more on the wire?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Wow, was that a hello I heard, Chardonnay?
ANCHOR 1: We haven’t time for a fucking hello.
ANCHOR 2: And we’re live in three, two, one...
Intro music blares. Canned applause.
ANCHOR 1: (sickly sweet) Welcome back to The Evening Panel and, as promised, have we got a treat to share with you tonight.
ANCHOR 2: Or you could say, trick or treat!
Both laugh heartily
ANCHOR 1: That’s right. For our Halloween special, we are here with Netflix phenomenon Josh Harringbow from I’ll Haunt You Down, live on video call.
Canned applause
ANCHOR 2: Welcome, welcome.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Thanks, Julia. Thanks for having me on the show.
ANCHOR 2: Josh, your show has been a blockbuster hit. Did that come as a surprise to you?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: I think what’s surprising is how many people aren’t open to the mystery. So many of us deflect these bigger questions by distracting ourselves with the triviality of everyday life. We don’t seem to want to dig deeper into one of the greatest mysteries of life… death.
On the monitor in front of the anchors, the producer writes a message in all caps:
LIGHTEN THE TONE!
ANCHOR 1: (light-hearted laughter) Well, not all the living believe in ghosts.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean it’s not true.
On the monitor: CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
ANCHOR 2: (laughing loudly over Josh) Ha-ha-ha! A topic always up for a bit of friendly debate. But what isn’t debatable is you were voted Home and Living’s sexiest man, October edition. That must have been a treat?
Josh’s face is stock-still on the screen; not a single movement. An awkward silence lingers.
ANCHOR 2: Hello? Josh? Can you hear us?
Anchor #1 winces and her hand rises to her earpiece
ANCHOR 1: I think we might be having a little technical difficulty.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Hel…lo? Can you he… me? I can’t… hear you? Hello?
ANCHOR 2: Ah, Josh, you’re back!
The screen freezes again, only this time there is a hint of a smirk on his face.
ANCHOR 2: Okay, viewers. Sit tight. Seems there is a ghost in the machine.
Canned laughter
ANCHOR 2: We’ll go to a quick ad break while we sort out our tech. Don’t go anywhere and we’ll be right back with things that go bump in the night.
Canned applause. Outro music
ANCHOR 1: What the hell? Were you faking a bad connection? Don’t laugh, Josh. Do you know how much this interview is costing the network?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: More than I’m getting paid, that’s for sure.
ANCHOR 1: Next you’ll be saying ‘we’re lucky to have you—’
JOSH HARRINGBOW: I don’t think that at all. I just think if you were hell bent on getting me on the show, you should at least ask the questions the audience wants to hear. What’s your beef with me?
ANCHOR 2: Don’t mind, Chardy. This is a touchy subject for her—
ANCHOR 1: —Touchy, my arse.
PRODUCER: Wrap it up, kids. We’re live in 10. Josh, we’ll stick to your questions if you keep the tone light and bright.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: I’m not researching Casper the Friendly Ghost!
ANCHOR 1: You may as well be.
ANCHOR 2: We’re live in 7, 6
JOSH HARRINGBOW: You want to learn a little professionalism, Chardy.
ANCHOR 1: That’s rich, coming from a guy who plays make believe for a living.
ANCHOR 2: 5, 4
JOSH HARRINGBOW: And you don’t?!
ANCHOR 2: 3, 2
ANCHOR 1: Arsehole
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Jumped-up has been.
ANCHOR 2: 1—
ANCHOR 1: (over cheerful) —And welcome back. Looks like we’ve sorted out our little issues.
Monitor: STICK TO THE SCRIPT, CHARDONNAY.
ANCHOR 2: So, Josh, tell us, our audience is dying to know. Why paranormal investigation?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: For me, research into—
ANCHOR 1: (cutting in) —of course, it’s great entertainment
JOSH HARRINGBOW: (mumbling) That’s more than can be said for this show.
ANCHOR 1: But it’s considered a pseudoscience, right?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: (Josh smirks at the jibe, taking his time to answer) Thomas Edison once said in an interview with Scientific American circa 1920 that to make real progress in psychic investigation we must do so in a scientific manner just as we do medicine, chemistry and physics.
ANCHOR 1: And over one hundred years later, there is still no real evidence, is there?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: That’s because the government then, and now, refuses to listen—refuses to fund research into the paranormal in an open forum. Of course, when it suits them, they’ll conduct covert experiments like MK Ultra, Project Stargate, and the Gateway Experiments—
Monitor: Holy Shit. Move on! MOVE TOPIC ON!
ANCHOR 2: (awkward laughter.) I think we have strayed way off topic here, Josh.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Oh, that’s right. This channel is government funded so better stick to the government’s narrative.
Monitor: Jesus Fuck!
ANCHOR 1: Sounds like the infamous Josh Harringbow ghost hunter is also a practising conspiracy theorist. What’s up for season two? Flat Earth theory? Ufologists? Skinwalkers, even?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: (that famous heart stopping smile again) Actually, I won’t be investigating other people’s experiences with the paranormal in season two.
ANCHOR 1: After all, you’ve disproved them all. I can imagine it gets a little repetitive after a while for the show to sustain itself.
Monitor: Lean into season 2 exclusive!
ANCHOR 2: Wait a minute, Josh, it sounds like you are giving us an exclusive here? A hint of what’s to come?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Yes, Julia. Season 2, I’ll be investigating the very first case I came across with the unknown. I will be investigating my own paranormal event that happened when I was a young boy, putting me on this path of discovery.
ANCHOR 2: Wow! You heard it here first, viewers. How exciting!
ANCHOR 1: (through a forced smile) How exciting.
ANCHOR 2: Can you tell us a little about your very first ghostly encounter?
Josh pauses and takes a deep breath as if considering how much to share.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: It started with a ghost story that my late mother told me when I was just a little boy.
Monitor: Keep it bright.
ANCHOR 2: How spooktacular! And does this story have a name?
JOSH HARRINGBOW: It doesn’t have a name. I remember the locals referred to it as The Calling, and—
Monitor: Wrap it up. We have our exclusive.
ANCHOR 1: And I hear The Tipping Point calling! I’m afraid that’s all we have time for, but you heard the exclusive here first.
ANCHOR 2: Thank you, Josh, for sharing your exciting news, and thank you to all the guests on our Halloween special today. Enjoy your Halloween weekend, folks!
ANCHOR 1: And don’t get too scared, as Josh has already proved time and time again in I’ll Haunt You Down, there are no such things as ghosts.
JOSH HARRINGBOW: Wait, what? That’s not what I—
ANCHOR 1: We’ll see you next week, viewers. I’m Chardonnay Sands.
ANCHOR 2: And I’m Julia Harris.
ANCHOR 1 & ANCHOR 2: And you’ve been watching The Evening Panel.
Canned applause and outro music.
The live broadcast video screen fades out - no connection text replacing Josh’s face.
ANCHOR 1: (shaking her head) I fucking hate charlatans.
ANCHOR 2: He is cute though—he could give me the willies any day or night.
ANCHOR 1: Wasn’t it getting the willies on set that got you fired from Blue Peter?
Anchor 2 smirks.
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